If the mouse clicks have brought you to this blog, perhaps you have been curious about psychotherapy. You might have questions like “Would psychotherapy help me cope with life’s challenges?” or “Do I need psychotherapy for …?” or “Is there psychotherapy for children who …?” Perhaps that’s got you wondering, “But what is psychotherapy anyway!?” There are all kinds of emotional well-being interventions described on the internet. Here is one perspective to help understand what psychotherapy is and how it can help in coping with life’s challenges.

What is Psychotherapy?

Psychotherapy is an intentional activity that involves conversations between a client(s) and a psychologist. The conversations are about the struggles experienced by the client(s). In psychotherapy client(s) and their psychologist think deeply about the nuances of the client(s) life.

There are many articles on the internet that describe the different types of psychotherapy. Tempting as it is to describe these psychotherapy types and their efficacy, such an exercise would be largely academic. The different brands of psychotherapy fall into cognitive models, behavioral models, emotion-focused models, systemic models and depth psychology models.  

What are the goals of Psychotherapy?

All psychotherapy treatments work toward behaviour change, emotional regulation, increasing insight about ourselves and improving our relationships and functioning. The main goal of psychotherapy is psychological health and well-being. Freud described this as “the capacity of a person to love and work.” 

When would Psychotherapy be useful?

We live in a complex world with many demands and expectations on us that affect our emotional and psychological well-being. We face tough situations like losing a job, ending a relationship, losing a close family member or transitioning into parenthood.  

There are different ways in which we cope with life’s struggles. All forms of coping are in the service of reducing conflict, discomfort and tension. Some forms of coping are healthy. Other forms impact us negatively in the long run. For example, alcohol or substance use might numb the emotional pain but can impact relationships, work and family life. We might respond to a relationship breakdown by avoiding future relationships, or trying to find connections in many quick  relationships. We might express anger aggressively, depression by hurting ourselves, or anxiety by avoiding interactions.   

Our little ones also have big problems on their young minds. These could be pressures of education, peer conflict, bullying or unfair and undeserved experiences of trauma, hurt and loss. Children’s distress gets communicated either in their behaviour (aggression, disruptiveness, attention struggles) or their emotions (anger, mood and anxiety). These are children’s ways of coping with the pain they experience in the fall out from tough situations. 

What comes to mind are the first few lyrics of “Fix You” by Coldplay (Thank you Chris Martin!) 

When you try your best, but you don’t succeed… When you get what you want, but not what you need… When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep… Stuck in reverse … And the tears come streaming down your face … When you lose something you can’t replace … When you love someone, but it goes to waste … Could it be worse?

How can psychotherapy help?

How can psychotherapy help us in coping with life’s challenges? Are we are locked in our ways of coping?  Can we can work toward healthy coping?  With some help and support, we most definitely can!

Let’s understand this better using the metaphor of the ways we respond to a fever. 

Sometimes it might be best to ride a fever out with rest and plenty of fluids. If the fever is caused by bacterial infection, antibiotics are needed, along with the fluids and the rest. 

Similarly, sometimes our challenges work themselves out with time and family support. We can bounce back into well-being on our own. Other times, the nuanced support that psychotherapy offers can help improve our coping of life’s challenges.

Main takeaways from this post:

• Psychotherapy is an intentional activity involving client (s) and a psychologist.
• We all cope with our struggles differently. 
• Psychotherapy is one way to improve coping. 
• All psychotherapies work differently but toward the same goal.  

Practical advice when choosing psychotherapy:

• Reach Inward: Think about all the areas you are struggling with. Make a list of these.
• Research: Shortlist up to 3 psychologists in your area. Read their profiles, the way they work and the types of therapy and the models that they use.
• Reach out: Get in touch with the shortlisted psychologists. Find out their fees and availability. Be prepared to experience at least 1 session each with the shortlisted psychologists.
• Reflect: Think about each session once it is over. How did it feel in anticipation? How did it feel to be in the session? What feelings did you have coming away from the session? What did you feel about the session the next day? Make an informed decision based on your understanding of these reflections.

Remember that one of the most important factors in psychotherapy is the therapeutic relationship. Your psychologist must work hard to curate this relationship. Your comfort with the therapist will be the most important factor in developing a trusting therapeutic relationship. They need to offer safety, privacy, and capacity for relatedness. There is more about the therapeutic relationship in an upcoming post.

This is all well and good you might say, and begs the question, “What does psychotherapy actually look like?” or “What do people do in psychotherapy?” 

If you find yourself wondering about these questions, there are a few ideas in an upcoming post. 

Please note: Confidentiality and privacy are most important in psychological therapy. To ensure privacy, comments have not been enabled on this blog. We would love comments at admin@keapsychology.co.nz  and will respond to them within 24-48 hours. 

If you would like to schedule an appointment with one of our practitioners, please reach us at referrals@keapsychology.co.nz.

Kea Psychology is not a crisis intervention service. Please contact emergency services (dial 111) if you are concerned for your own or any other person’s immediate safety. Additional crisis services are listed at http://www.mentalhealth.org.nz/get-help/in-crisis/